


chasing ghosts

by onlyinafigurativesense



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Drinking, If u squint there's jean/armin/eren in the bg, M/M, Miscommunication, New Year's Eve, drunk erwin, i actually started writing this on new years eve, its fuckin june now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 21:47:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7123711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyinafigurativesense/pseuds/onlyinafigurativesense
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Don't," Levi breathes, eyes wide and heart racing. His hands fist in the fabric of Erwin's coat. "I can't."</p><p> </p><p>Standing there, Erwin looks like the only concrete thing Levi could ever possess. "But we could."</p>
            </blockquote>





	chasing ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> _Cause you can't make me love you if I don't_   
>  _I can't make my heart feel something it won't_   
>  _Here in the dark, these final hours, you will lay down your heart_   
>  _And you'll feel the power, but I won't_

He does not want to be here. It's crowded and loud, and everyone is laughing and clinking glasses of drinks he can't have because he's driving tonight, and he can't find Hanji, and he _does not want to be here_. He huffs, scowling out at the crowd from his position at the bar, nursing his- tragically nonalcoholic- drink.

 

He could have stayed in.

 

Hanji had insisted, though, pulling at him and forcing his coat and scarf on him.

 

"It's _New Years_ ," they'd said.

 

"Fuck New Years," Levi had snapped.

 

Hanji had pouted, then, sticking out their lower lip and sighing. "But Petra is going to be there and-"

 

"And you want to touch her tits, I get it. I don't care."

 

He'd pulled his coat on, though, and their face brightened considerably.

 

"I love you. You're my favorite person in the whole world. Also, you're driving, because I need a stiff drink or five to help with my nerves or confidence or whatever."

 

For some reason, he'd still agreed.

 

So now he's stuck in a bar downtown, alone and frustratingly sober, on New Year's Eve. He sighs, shooting a surly look at the (admittedly very cute) pair of blondes canoodling at a table in the corner. As he watches, a brunette slides into the booth next to the littler blonde one, looping their arm around the smaller one's shoulders. The one with the undercut says something that makes the long-haired blonde blush and kiss the brunette's cheek and Levi really can't watch any more because it's so sickeningly sweet that he might puke. He scans the bar for a distraction, any distraction, when he hears an all-too-familiar voice ring out above the crowd.

 

"Levi?"

 

Oh no.

 

"Levi!"

 

Levi hunches down, trying to make himself very small and very unapproachable. He should have known that if Petra was here, the rest of the group would be, too, which meant-

Erwin Smith shoulders his way through the throng of people separating them, beaming down at Levi when he reaches him. His cheeks are flushed and he smells like whiskey and sugar. His hair is perfect.

 

Levi hates him.

 

"My god, Levi, I never thought I'd run into you here," Erwin says, setting down an empty glass on the bar. Levi can almost feel the warmth radiating from him. He grits his teeth and glares up at Erwin.

 

"Really."

 

Erwin nods. "Really! Petra didn't say you were coming-"

 

Levi snorts, lip curling. "I didn't want to. I got bullied into it."

 

Erwin laughs. "Ah. Well, you're here now."

 

"Astute observation," Levi sneers.

 

Erwin, smiling, leans down and squints, fingers coming up to brush at the cuff looped around Levi's cartilage, the chain that connects it to the stud in his earlobe. Levi startles and jerks away, setting his jaw.

"Is that an earring?" Erwin asks, too close. "When did you-"

 

"It's been almost a year, Erwin," Levi says, cutting him off. Erwin falters, mouth hanging open for a moment before he snaps it shut, pressing his lips together.

 

The rapid series of expressions doesn't make him look nearly as ridiculous as Levi wants it to. It's not fair that Erwin can look pretty and ashamed at the same time. It's not fair, Levi thinks, his chest tightening, that mostly, Erwin just looks sad. It's not fair that Levi doesn't want him to, that _he's_  the one who has to look away, cheeks burning.

 

Erwin doesn't do him the courtesy of following his gaze; instead, he stares intensely at the side of Levi's head as the shorter man glares out into the crowd.

 

"It has," Erwin says after a moment, quiet enough that Levi barely hears him. He clears his throat, straightening up- damn him, he looks even taller now than he used to. Levi realizes, suddenly, that it's more likely his perception has changed than Erwin's height.

 

His expression must shift at this revelation, because Erwin goes all sad-eyed again, though over what Levi isn't sure.

 

"You must think I'm-" he starts, and Levi rolls his eyes.

 

"You're not taller," he snaps, and there's a beat of horrifying silence before Erwin responds.

 

"What?"

 

Levi blinks. "What?"

 

Erwin's face cycles through another series of expressions, at least half of which are various states of confusion.

 

"I'm not...?" he says, brows furrowing for a moment. Levi is certain he can see a literal, actual light turn on behind Erwin's eyes when he finally comprehends what just happened. Erwin then does the worst possible thing.

 

He _smiles._

 

"Oh, Levi," he says, hand coming up to cover his perfect teeth as he laughs, actually _laughs_. Levi's cheeks burn and he scowls, knocking back the rest of his drink.

 

"Shut the fuck up," he growls, setting his now-empty glass down on the bar behind them. The bartender, busy refilling drinks on the other side, doesn't notice.

 

"Is that what you were glaring at me for?" Erwin asks, setting down his own glass and inexplicably managing to hail the bartender with a gesture. Erwin smiles, graceful as ever, and motions to their drinks. "Thank you. Another old fashioned for me, and- what are you having? I'll buy."

 

"I can pay for my own shit," Levi snaps, pushing his empty glass towards the man behind the counter. "Surprise me."

 

The man raises his eyebrows. "ID?" he prompts, and Levi bristles, knuckles whitening as he tightens his grip on his glass.

 

"Fuck you. Fuck you, you would've let him buy it for me, you sick fuck, why do you-" Levi starts, but the pressure of Erwin's hand on his shoulder diverts his attention long enough for him to realize that he's pushed up on tiptoe, ready to vault over the bar. The bartender blinks, unfazed.

 

"I know him," he says, "and I've already carded him for the last three drinks. You had a coke."

 

Levi, fuming, fishes around in his back pocket, slamming his ID on the counter. The bartender inclines his head- mocking him, clearly, Levi can tell- checking his ID before finally fucking off to make their drinks. Levi pockets his card again, turning around and leaning back against the bar.

 

"He's just doing his job, Levi," Erwin says, and Levi scoffs.

 

"Don't fucking start that shit. You're not my handler."

 

Erwin's mouth turns down at the corners. "I never said I was."

 

"Good. Don't."

 

"There's no need to be so aggressive."

 

"Who's being aggressive?"

 

"Levi."

 

"Fuck off."

 

" _Levi_."

 

"Fuck off, fuck _off,_ just- leave me alone."

 

There's a long moment of silence where Erwin just _stares_ at him, eyes all soft and sad and blue. Finally, _f_ _inally_ , he sets his jaw and nods, one quick jerk of his head.

 

"Right," he says. "Right. I apologize. I'll go."

 

Levi, to his credit, bites his tongue around any scathing remark he might have. Erwin turns, hesitates, turns back.

 

"I am sorry," he says, "I never meant to hurt you."

 

Levi grits his teeth.

"Yeah, well," he says, shrugging. He doesn't meet Erwin's eyes.

 

"I didn't-"

 

"Just _go_ , Erwin."

 

An unguarded expression from Erwin is a rare sight, even for Levi, so when he looks up to find Erwin staring at him, drunk and sad and hurt, his insides go cold.

 

"I don't want to leave," Erwin says, and Levi's insides go from cold to icy.

 

"You didn't have any trouble last time," he spits.

 

Erwin's jaw tightens.  
"You seem to forget," he says, "that you asked me to. Demanded it, actually. As I recall, you were throwing things."

 

"A fucking shirt, Jesus, you make it sound like-"

 

"Like you were throwing things, which is true."

 

"Don't be so fucking dramatic."

 

"That's funny, Levi, from you."

 

"What the fuck does that mean?" he asks, pushing away from the bar and willing Erwin not to follow.

 

The uncourteous bastard pushes through the crowd after him anyway, following him towards the door. "It was one fight."

 

Levi scoffs, lip curling. "Not our first," he says, shouldering past the crowd of people blocking the exit. Erwin has the audacity to grab at him, long fingers catching at the sleeve of Levi's sweater.

 

"Our first like that. You kicked me out."

 

Levi jerks his arm out of Erwin's grip as they stumble outside. He hunches his shoulders, trying his damnedest to look at anything, _anything_  but Erwin. "I told you to le-"

 

"'Take your shit and get the fuck away from me,' that was what you said," Erwin quotes, and Levi's stomach turns at hearing his own words parroted back at him, even a year later. He stiffens, balling his hands into fists, and feels Erwin stop a few steps behind him. "'Get the fuck out, I _can't look at you_ , take your shit and get the fuck away from-"

 

"I didn't mean forever!" he says, rounding on Erwin. Their breath comes in clouds as they stand, panting, just outside the bar. "I didn't expect a fucking- a year of fucking radio silence, you _asshole,_ how could you- a fucking _year,_ Erwin, do you have any idea-"

 

"I don't-" Erwin starts, but Levi shakes his head, hard, eyes stinging.

 

"No, fuck you. Fuck you, I'm-" He pats at the front of his sweater, his jeans, frantic when he comes up empty. "Where the fuck are my keys, fuck, _fuck_ , I wanna go home, I- get off me, don't touch me, I hate you."

 

Erwin backs off, hands held up in surrender. "Let me drive you home, Levi," he offers, and Levi makes a noise that could be a laugh.

 

"No."

 

"Why not?" Erwin asks.

 

"Because you're drunk."

 

"And you're not? It's New Years."

 

"Designated driver."

 

"Oh."

 

There's a pause where they stand shivering on the sidewalk, breathing in the smoke coming from the patio full of people on cigarette breaks. Erwin clears his throat, shoving his hands in his pockets.

 

"Who are you supposed to be driving?" he asks after a moment.

 

Levi glares at the brick wall of the bar, at the lights strung up around the awnings.

 

"Hanji," he says. He wraps his arms around himself, gritting his teeth against the cold. "They wanted- I don't fucking know. They said I don't get out enough."

 

Erwin nods. Levi kicks at a crack in the sidewalk, huffing out a quiet curse and yanking the sleeves of his sweater down over his raw knuckles.

 

"You left your coat inside," Erwin realizes, eyes widening.

 

Levi shrugs, scuffing the toe of his boot against the concrete. "I guess."

 

"You must be freezing," Erwin says. He shrugs out of his jacket, holding it out. "Take mine."

 

"I don't-"

 

"You're shaking."

 

Levi scowls, snatching the jacket out of Erwin's hand. He pulls it around his shoulders, not bothering to put his arms through the sleeves. It's huge on him, and it smells the way his sheets used to. His chest aches, not just from the cold. "I look ridiculous."

 

Erwin regards him for a long moment, using that same intense stare he'd fixed on Levi in the bar. "No," he says finally, "It suits you."

 

Levi sets his jaw, breathing out hard through his nose. "It's fucking cold. I want to go back inside."

 

Erwin, for some reason, smiles. "I thought you were leaving."

 

Levi pulls the jacket tighter around him. "I need my coat. And Hanji, probably."

 

"Ah." Erwin nods, then grins and shakes his head. "Probably."

 

Levi sniffs. "You're buying me a drink, too."

 

"Of course, darling," Erwin says as they head back towards the bar.

 

They make it about three steps before they both stop. Erwin winces.

 

"I apologize. I-"

 

"You forgot."

 

Erwin hesitates, then:  
"Yes."

 

Levi nods, staring at the doorway. "I- me too, for a second."

 

"I'm sorry," Erwin repeats. He shakes his head, then lets out a quiet laugh. "Old habits."

 

Levi sets his jaw. "Right."

 

"Levi," Erwin says, reaching for him, but Levi steps back. Erwin drops his hand. "I still-"

 

_Me too._

 

"Don't," Levi breathes, eyes wide and heart racing. His hands fist in the fabric of Erwin's coat. "I can't."

 

Standing there, Erwin looks like the only concrete thing Levi could ever possess. "But we could."

 

Levi shakes his head. "No," he says, "No. One drink. That's it."

 

Erwin nods. "Alright," he says. "Okay. One drink. Inside, though, you're going to catch cold."

 

"That's not how-" Levi starts, but Erwin shepherds him back into the bar, his hand hovering awkwardly behind Levi like he wants to rest it against the small of his back. It would be so easy to lean back into his hand, to allow himself to find comfort in Erwin's touch, if only for a moment.

 

It would only be a moment, though, so he keeps his distance. He doesn't let himself be disappointed when Erwin does the same.

**Author's Note:**

> I might. continue this  
> started it intending to have them frick and then got caught up in Angst on accident  
> oh well
> 
> Side note, it's been a goddamn year since I published any writing. So, welcome back me, I suppose


End file.
